Very recently, I was involved in break-up. No, don’t worry, I don’t want sympathy nor do I need it. Of course, I had a couple of days of wondering why God hated me and making my way quickly through 1 or 4 slabs of chocolate, but I thankfully got over it pretty quickly. This in itself was a sure fire sign that the relationship wasn’t to be, but even so I was pretty pleased that the post-traumatic stress one usually experiences after two lovers part ways was short-lived. In fact thinking about it, my feelings of sadness towards what was never going to be (and looking at other happy couples and wanting to strangle them) probably could have gone on for a whole lot longer had I not given myself a right royal kick up the arse.
Looking back at my own romantic past, and the previous relationships of my friends, it’s a truth universally acknowledged that whenever we break-up with significant others, we experience a whirlwind of emotions and through that comes the tears, the anger, the upset – the works. Do not fret. This CAN be avoided. I don’t have any new revolutionary techniques to tell you about, but what I can give you is sound advice that’s proven to work in these sorts of scenarios to help you beat the break-up blues. So come on. It’s time to get your shit together and be a strong, independent woman who don’t need no man – and here’s how I did it…
CUT HIM OUT
For the love of God, do not resort to petty squabbles, cheeky remarks or passive aggressiveness as a way of ‘getting back at someone’. It doesn’t matter whether or not the break-up itself was amicable, there will always be some sour grapes between both parties, and these need to be crushed. The chances of you staying in touch with someone you were once romantically attached to are minuscule, so it wouldn’t hurt to delete their number and not speak to them again. Remember, there’s a reason you broke up in the first place. For one reason or another, you simply weren’t compatible and chances are that’s not going to change so try not to focus on what was, and put all your effort into concentrating on what could be. Believe me, shutting up will earn you a lot of self-respect, and who can turn that down?
GET OVER IT
Please stop telling people about how you got screwed over, or how this person did you wrong. No one wants an invite to a pity party, believe me. In fact, most people would rather stick their genitals in a bees nest before sitting down to sympathise in these situations. Think about it – the more you moan and complain about him or what happened, the more time you waste: valuable time that could be spent having fun with your friends or getting to know new people, or even new guys. Girls, I hate to break it to you, but you just need to get over it. At the end of the day, shit happens, so learn from it and move on. Remember, wasting time on an ex (who is an ex for a reason might I add) is like trying to use a broken condom – it’s messy, unpleasant and it’s never going to work.
THINK BEFORE YOU ACT
It’s not uncommon for a lot of people to go rebounding after a break-up, and although it may seem like a best laid plan at the time (literally), it’s never a good idea. When you break up with someone, you’re pretty emotionally unavailable for a short while and like anything that’s broken, you need to give yourself time to heal. If you expose the break-up wound to the world, chances are you’re bound to get infected – and I’m not just talking STDs. It’s natural to feel frustrated after parting with a partner, so put your energy into something other than screwing around and jumping back on the bandwagon. Take up a hobby, spend more time with friends, watch a new TV show – anything. I know this may seem pretty cliché but the more time you spend focusing on yourself, the quicker the healing process will be. You will know in yourself when you’re ready to get yourself back on the dating scene but until that point, don’t rush anything and take the time you need to get back to being the best you that you can be.
BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF
Step outside of your own little bubble for a moment and reflect on your relationship. As much as you might think you’re an innocent party, I can guarantee that you will have been at fault somewhere down the line. Just accept it. It’s okay to not be perfect. Hell, no one is! There’s always going to be room for improvement. You might be too needy, too clingy, too aggressive, too bitchy, too selfish – you get the gist. Never forget that the best relationship a person can have is the one we have with ourselves and that one requires some regular TLC too, so be sure to think about how you can work on yourself. Believe me, you’ll feel a whole lot better for it!
Break ups are definitely never going to be a walk in the park, but they can be a lot easier. Initially, I thought my most recent break up was going to kill me off. Not literally, I mean emotionally. I thought I was gonna become an ice queen and hide under my duvet for days, even weeks, to avoid any human contact and ultimately, having to explain why. I didn’t let that happen, because I now know that shit happens. It wasn’t a great loss to me. If it wasn’t going to work, it wasn’t going to work. Don’t get me wrong, I still finished all the chocolate I had in the apartment long after I realised I didn’t need it, but it was a learning curve. I learned that everything happens for a reason, and that reason is that the man of your dreams is still out there. Just got to find him now….