It’s a truth universally acknowledged that fake orgasms are still very much a thing, and no matter how much you deny it, you know you’ve done it and that’s fine. We all have. For women, reaching the point of our eyes rolling back into our heads won’t happen every time we have sex and as a gender, we accept this! Although aren’t orgasms the whole point of having sex? Well – yes – so why do we do it?
Believe it or not, sex is just as mental as it is physical and don’t forget, a woman is much less likely to climax than a man for more reasons that one but unfortunately, a lot of ladies admit defeat when it comes to getting a happy ending and fake the final event at the finish line. Of course, it is highly unlikely for a man to fake an orgasm, I mean let’s face it, the proof is in the pudding when a guy gets his jollies but in this instance, women have the benefit of no real signs if it did happen or it didn’t. I decided I needed to do a bit of asking around on this subject, I mean, if the point of sex is to orgasm then why fake it? It’s like ordering a pizza and not eating it – it’s almost a crime!
Personally, I don’t think it helps anyone if feelings are being falsified but I’ve got to admit, on further inspection, I can completely understand why. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve done it myself and I didn’t feel good about it. Obviously I would much rather have had a spectacular end to my sexual endeavour but sadly it wasn’t the case. I began to reflect on my own reasons for faking the big O, and naturally I got in touch with my girls to find out why we do what we do, and here’s what I found…
We’re not sure if we can ask for what we want
This particularly applies to those in new relationships and it all boils down to 3 things: commitment, communication and compromise. The more committed you are to someone, the more comfortable you’ll feel about discussing what pushes your buttons. I remember this one time a guy I used to date had his hand down my knickers and it felt like he was stroking a small woodland creature. There was no way in hell I was going to reach orgasm with his softly-softly approach. I faked it, and a few weeks later, we were history. If, however, we had been in a committed relationship, I would certainly have been more inclined to give him what-for and show him what really makes me tick. If you want to avoid faking an orgasm, be as honest as you can with your man about what works for you. It may be a little disconcerting at first, but trust me, it’ll be worth it when you’re grabbing the bedsheets.
We’re just not in the mood
We all know that men are inherently much more animalistic than us women. They have primal instincts which means they generally tend to have higher sex drives. Believe me, if a man in a semi-conscious sleeping state and you mention anything remotely sexual, he’ll be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed within seconds. Let’s face it though ladies, we on the other hand are not always in the mood but as usual, we don’t want to disappoint. Sometimes, we have sex because we want to be intimate, not because we want to get laid: the fact that we’re not as aroused as we’d normally be means reaching orgasm will be more of a chore than a tryst. When we’re not horny, we’re not horny, it’s simple. It’s a sort of “oh alright slap on the condom and get on with it” kind of situation. Rather than faking an orgasm, just get stuck in! Sex is like pizza, when it’s good, it’s good, and when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good, so if you’re not in the mood, turn your frown upside down and enjoy the moment.
We don’t want to hurt your ego
Believe it or not, most women are pretty considerate of men’s feelings. Whether you’re in a new relationship and getting to know each other’s erogenous zones, or in a long-term commitment of experimentation, we know that you try! We women have come to terms with the fact that we may not always reach orgasm through sex, but a lot of men simply can’t accept it. We don’t want you to feel like you’re not good at this, you are, you’re great, it’s not you, it’s me, but it’s a little bit you. In this instance, faking an orgasm is a kind gesture to say the sex was good regardless! Sometimes though, honesty should be the best policy and ego shouldn’t come into play, so a little more talking and a little less caring could do you and your partner a WORLD of good.
Think about it – we don’t fake orgasms out of malice, but we should probably do ourselves a favour and avoid doing faking the big O ever again. You wanna know how? Just talk to your partner. It doesn’t matter if it’s been 2 weeks or 2 years, communication can be the key to a guaranteed orgasm and who can turn that down! The more you talk, the more you’ll find out about what really gets each other going so take the time to experiment and you’ll soon start to discover your likes and dislikes in the bedroom.
My personal advice? Give your toys to the less fortunate! If you want to guarantee a return on sexual investment, it does no harm to get the sex toys out to help you along. Not only does this make sex a whole lot more exciting and different, climaxing will be a certainty and going to bed with a smile on your face will be a definite!