In an ideal world, a man who loves his mother is a trait that we as women, admire. We like to hear a potential partner speaking about his mother in a caring and appreciative manner. In fact men who have a good relationship or strong connection with their mothers tend to possess motherly and almost metrosexual, traits, such as emotional understanding and respect towards women.
At first, I’d find this remarkably attractive. Imagine your luck! You think you’ve found a caring, thoughtful man who loves and values his family. If one day you plan to have a family of your own, a man who adores his mother displays massively positive prospects for the future. Your mind starts working overtime and blissful scenarios appear behind your closed and love-blind eyes, “what a wonderful father and husband he’ll be”.
The “Mummy’s Boy” takes this to the next level. A man who is excessively influenced or attached to his mother, at an age at which men are expected to be independent, always have (what I like to call) major issues.
James was a business promotion manager for a well-known, reputable bank in the city. On paper, James was the perfect man. I know this because we met online. Nowadays, online dating has lost its socially negative stigma and as technology moves on, more and more people are meeting over the internet. It’s a great idea if you think about it, although some people do possess the skills to deceptively portray themselves in a very different light via a computer. However, this wasn’t the case with James.
“My name’s James, I’m 24 and after having graduated, I have found my niche in the financial industry. Festivals are the best and I’m always working out at the gym, but I do like a night in with a DVD or good documentary! I love my friends and family and spend a lot of time with them. I like to have a laugh and don’t take myself too seriously at all”
At first glance, he pretty much ticked all the boxes. At this point, I wasn’t looking to become infatuated with anyone, from what I can recall I was looking for a self-esteem boost or the opportunity to indulge in no-strings wining and dining, but I was starting to wonder whether I should keep my options open. James was career-driven, family-orientated and up for a laugh. What more could I ask for?
Online chat led to text messages, text messages led to phone calls and phone calls led to one very fortuitous first date at a local pub. Our eyes cast across the bar proving a definitive recognition of each other, including a look of almost serendipitous surprise. For the remainder of the evening, we enjoyed playful banter like we had known each other for years, taking an overly keen interest in each other’s likes and dislikes. The next thing we knew, we were having dinner, going to movies, having phenomenal sex, just enjoying each other’s company.
Okay, I’m kidding. After three, maybe four dates, James and I decided to take our developing relationship further: further meaning into the bedroom, and may I just take this opportunity to declare that it was quite a bit more than just awkward. I couldn’t understand it. In public, we were that couple that everyone would look at and say “I want that”. We were great in bars, in restaurants, in malls, but when it came to the physical event, James simply didn’t cut the mustard.
Two or three minutes of awkward fumbling went by when he muttered “Can you go on top? My arms are really sore from working out and my Mum said not to put pressure on them”. Alarm bells began to ring. As far as I’m aware, a 24-year-old man about to engage in sexual relations cares very little, if not at all, about his mother’s opinion, and whether or not his arms are hurting for that matter. It was the first time we had begun to have sex, so in this instance, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Minutes later, much to my dismay, I heard his phone ringing. His eyes lit up as he quickly reached down to the floor with one of his ‘sore arms’ to pick it up, I glanced over, and saw “Mum Ringing”. Was he for real?
I tried my best not to listen in on the conversation. I simply lay there, scantily clad and spectacularly dissatisfied. “What was he thinking?” I was almost certain that all men at least prioritised sex over trivial phone calls. My mind continued to whir and moments later, he put the phone down and said “I have to leave, my Mum needs me”. I started to feel terrible, his Mother must have been genuinely ill and I was becoming increasingly irritable due to my lack of orgasms. “My Mum doesn’t know how to record a television programme so I’ll have to go and sort it out for her. She says I won’t be needed tomorrow so I can come back round if you like?”
I looked at James in sheer astonishment. I felt so cheated. I honestly thought I’d met a macho, confident, business man and instead, I found myself lumbered with a sensitive, and pretty pathetic, “Mummy’s boy”.
I told him to leave as clearly, this was an emergency and I promised that I’d call him. I never did. I found myself beginning to wonder whether or not I should have maybe given him a chance, but it would never have worked. For starters, women like men to be men, displaying strength, power and masculinity. The five minutes I spent with James trying to enjoy some sort of sexual encounter showed that he was the complete opposite: weak and powerless, and I for one wouldn’t tolerate a third-party interfering with my relationship, even if it was a Mother-in-Law. The thing is, “Mummy’s boys” often fulfil their mother’s every wish, especially the most unreasonable ones – and that’s where the problems start.
Just remember, you are looking for a man who loves you, just the way you are, so why should you settle to be second-best in his life? It can seem like a positive prospect at the time, but don’t be deceived…
“A mother’s boy cannot maintain a healthy partnership with a woman”