Break ups are never easy, and it doesn’t take a genius to work that one out. We’ve all been through it at one stage or another, and it’s safe to assume that we (or our friends) will probably go through it again. It’s a cruel reality we’ve all come to terms with. However, as the completely complex humans that we are, we never really know if we’re making the right decision.
I can guarantee there’s been a time in your life when you know yourself you’re in a crappy relationship but you just can’t seem to let go, or even the complete opposite. You think to yourself that you’re happy until your friends start wondering why you are and you begin to second guess yourself. Basically, break ups aren’t clear as day, they couldn’t be more cloudy. So I think when it’s time to cut our losses and move on, we just need to trust our gut instincts and add a bit of logic to override emotions.
If you feel you’re stuck in romantic purgatory, maybe it’s time to ask yourself these 7 things to give yourself a bit of clarity and confirmation that you’re making the right decision before you break up with him…
Are you settling?
People always say you should never settle for second best and they couldn’t be more right. A lot of people panic when they find themselves single in their late 20s, for instance, and latch onto the nearest thing they could call a significant other to prevent them from being alone. Worst case scenario is that you end up in this mediocre relationship for the rest of your days, so if you feel like you’re just going through the motions, maybe it’s time to call it a day to find someone worth settling down for.
Are you over the past?
Everyone has a past, however, in one or two cases, the past is something we can’t (or worse, won’t) forget. For example, say your partner cheated on you when you first got together, you chose to forgive him, yet it continuously comes up in arguments and in everyday situations. If you can’t get over the past, how can you even begin to enjoy the present? Some things are just too big to forgive and forget, so decide if you can let it go, and if you can’t, let him go.
Are you brushing things under the carpet?
I’m not talking about trivial things, I’m talking about things that might hurt your feelings or make you feel inferior or unwanted. You might brush the odd mean statement aside or try to put what happened one night at the back of your mind, but if these little yet extremely hurtful things continue to happen and they continue to happen, you’re gonna spend the whole of your relationship crying. Let’s face it. So it’s time to ask yourself, if you’re constantly in tears because of things you brush under the carpet, are you dating a human or an onion?
Are you communicating?
Everyone in a relationship has problems and this is completely normal, but problems always need to be resolved so that you’re able to move forward and enjoy each other’s company. Communication is fundamental to compromise and all the best relationships have an open-door policy when it comes to talking about feelings and the likes. If you’re not able to talk to your partner about how you feel, is this a relationship you really wanna be in?
Are you revisiting the same situation?
Like I said, every relationship has it’s bugbears but if the same problems keep presenting themselves time and time again, something’s clearly wrong or someone’s obviously got a chip on the shoulder – either/or. This one step forward two steps back kinda scenario does not bode well for a happy and healthy relationship so unless you can get some closure on reoccurring issues, perhaps a break-up is the best solution.
Are you compromising?
Relationships are all about compromise. You continuously pick your battles and decide what you’re willing to compromise on and that’s that. For instance, if your man is a football fan, let him watch the football, as long as you’re allowed to watch your soaps during the week. Just an example but you get my drift. Although in some relationships, things just aren’t worth the compromise when you realise you’re simply never going to see eye-to-eye on certain situations, no matter how hard you try. So if you’re struggling to meet in the middle, maybe call it a day.
Are you happy?
Just be honest with yourself. Trust your gut and for goodness sake, don’t ignore it. Deep down, you always know the right decision to make, whether you make it or not is a different kettle of fish, but you always know. Happiness isn’t a hard thing to define, you know when you wake up with a smile on your face, and if your significant other isn’t making you feel this way, either fix it or find the courage to walk away.
Break ups are pretty hardcore when the cut’s first made, but when the wound starts to heal, you’ll realise that putting yourself and your own feelings first was the best decision you could have made in a long time, and when someone asks you “so why did you break up with him?”, there’s no need to go into detail, just be like…
Love this! I think recognizing unhappiness is such a tough thing to do when you’re comfortable in a relationship
I agree entirely Rosie, but I think once you do, all the other little things (or reasons as to why you’re unhappy) seem to make sense! Don’t you agree?
I agree, it is important to recognise what’s wrong with the relationship for it to grow better. Thanks for sharing.