Sex drive, as we all know, is a person’s urge to seek satisfaction of their sexual needs. It’s basically the things that makes us look at someone and think ‘bang me’ and the likes. However, not all of us are blessed with a large appetite for making love. In fact, it would be safe to assume that we’ll all go through periods of our life that we experience high and low sex drives and you’ll certainly notice a significant change in yourself when you do.
A high sex drive is nothing to be ashamed of and definitely don’t think that you’re the only one out there who is. In fact, if you have a lively libido, chances are (as a result of being at it like rabbits with your man) you’ve got a better immune system, you’ve sleep more soundly and you’re less stressed, so it’s a bit of a win-win situation for everyone involved.
If you think of yourself as a person with a perfectly average sex drive, then that in itself is perfectly okay. Some of us are horny all the time, some of us aren’t, and that’s what makes us different and makes the world go round. Some couples have sex once a week, some have sex once a day, but as long as it works for you both, it doesn’t really matter.
A low sex drive, on the other hand, can be a bit of pain for you and your partner. The level of your sex drive is not a choice so never penalise your man (or yourself for that matter) if you’re just not feeling it. It seems there are 5 main causes to a low/no sex drive, and each one undoubtedly comes with some sort of solution, so don’t worry if you’re feelings about foreplay have changed, there’ll be a reason for it, and it’s probably one of these…
Anxiety
Anxiety is a horrible thing to have and given the fact that it completely consumes the way in which you feel, your sex drive is affected as a result as that too is directly affected by you feelings. If you’re already being treated for anxiety – great – however, if you’re not, perhaps try and focus on the things in life that take your mind away from your anxious state. As difficult as this may sound, making small changes to your lifestyle may take focus off your anxiety and in turn, you’ll start feeling yourself becoming aroused again. PS. I know that there is no overnight cure for anxiety so if you’re suffering, give yourself a break and accept that it’s okay not be okay.
Boring Sex
Imagine you made a meal and it was pretty bad – you didn’t enjoy it and it did nothing for you – would you go back for seconds? Of course not. It’s the same with sex. There’s a reason people coin the phrase “spice up your sex life” and it’s because sometimes, with no rhyme or reason, couples lose the spark between them in the bedroom, which can have devastating results on pleasure between partners. If the sex becomes boring, your sex drive will diminish simply because you don’t want it, so don’t let the spark go out – makes things interesting!
Kids
It comes as no surprise that when we have children, our priorities change, as do our routines, and inevitably how many hours we sleep at night. There’s so much going on with the nippers that when it comes to alone time for the parents, it may have been a few weeks since the last. If you’ve got children, try and make time for you and your partner. Granted, it’s easier than it sounds but give it a go, you may be pleasantly surprised. I realise I’m unable to properly empathise as I don’t yet have children, but what I do know is that they’ll always be number one – just make sure you and your partner are each other’s number one too!
Resentment
You know for a fact that if you’ve had an argument with your partner that you could not be more turned off. You get into bed and he tries it on and you just want to punch him in the face. The LAST thing you want is to get down and dirty. Of course, this kind of disagreement may fizzle overnight however, lingering resentment is a definitive factor to having a low-sex drive. Perhaps you’re annoyed at your partner for something they continue to do? Each night you’ll be hopping into bed thinking about why you’re frustrated, rather than when you’re going to get an orgasm. If you sense hostility and bitterness, talk it out, have it out, get it off your chest, if you can that is. You’ll soon have a clean slate and a crackin’ libido.
Stress
Stress comes in a million different forms, this much is clear, and it is tremendously hard for us to not let it affect our lives, in particular, our sex lives. Stress causes anxiety, and leads to overthinking, even depression, so the last thing on your mind is getting between the sheets with your partner. Guys, sex is one of the best stress relievers out there! Hard day at work? Have sex. Worried about an interview? Have sex. Struggling to get something done? Have sex.
Remember, sex accounts for a quarter of happiness in relationships and that fraction isn’t worth jeopardising. A low sex drive is not a choice, in fact it’s the opposite. What not to do is sit back and accept “that’s that”. If you feel that your libido has changed, try and be honest with yourself as to why that might be, even go to the Doctor if you can’t quite fathom what’s occurring and a solution may be just around the corner, as well as a good shag.
