The relationship begins. Sparks fly. You’re completely overwhelmed by the reoccurring feeling of butterflies. You think about how wonderful they are every time you’re with them, then as soon as they leave, you wait in anticipation for the next rendezvous. Your mind is a whir with joy at your current romantic attachment to someone in which you see true potential, then it comes to a halt and you’re left wondering ‘what happened?’
A connection that starts with endless encounters, continuous conversation, enormous lust – a perfect situation – suddenly changes overnight and you’re left wondering what’s changed? No matter how honest you feel both parties can be at the beginning of a new relationship, there are always supposedly minor details that are swept under the carpet and this can prove to be emotionally detrimental when it turns out that the greatest irony of love is being with the right person at the wrong time.
Think about it – every person you meet has a completely different history, and whether it’s a potential partner, or even a new friend, the back story you’ll hear is not one that will always have the ‘what you need to know’. Naturally, when you meet someone you find yourself completely infatuated with, you look forwards. You see a bright light in the future: what could this be? What will we be? Inevitably, we find ourselves proudly wearing rose-tinted glasses, but because of this we fail to see what has been because we’re far too excited about what could be, but don’t get me wrong, this is a good thing most of the time.
What you’ve got to consider is that a person’s past makes them what they are today. Their life to date has moulded them in to the person you see in front of them, with both positive and negative effects. We beat on through life, particularly in our twenties, flitting between romantic statuses, and I don’t just mean on Facebook. You’ll find yourself to be single, in a relationship and undoubtedly, ‘it’s complicated’ at some stage. However, through these points of our own lives, we selfishly fail to examine the status of people around us.
Last year, I met a wonderful man. Initially, I couldn’t fault him at all. I had never met anyone before that metaphorically, ticked all the boxes for my perfect match. He was witty, charming, intelligent, funny and handsome – so handsome. Our relationship began like a teenage tryst: I had never recalled being so content at such an early stage. We had similar interests, we liked to do the same things, talk about the same things, go to the same places – I found myself thinking ‘this is far too perfect’ but I certainly wasn’t going to question it. I was settling for butterflies. As far as I knew as well, the feeling was completely mutual and I never really thought I’d experience redamancy, and it was incredible.
Months went by and I had still had butterflies – that sensation of nervous excitement when you’re so unbelievably happy. I genuinely couldn’t believe my luck. Every morning, I’d wake up to a text message exuding reciprocal feelings of infatuation, not to mention the fact that our intimate encounters only seemed to get better and better. I felt spoiled. I don’t mean materialistically either, I mean emotionally. For once, I could see our relationship progressing in to something more meaningful and ultimately, long term.
Then the texts messages stopped.
Was it me? Had I done something wrong? From my point of view, nothing had changed and as far as I could see, we were both as full of affection and fondness as we’d ever been before. Long story short, turns out he wasn’t ready for a commitment. I was pretty heartbroken, I’ll be honest. I’d never met anyone I was so compatible with, or someone I’d cared about so much after such a short space of time. Needless to say we went our separate ways, completely amicable of course, but the hurt was still there. It all seemed to have happened so fast. A literal emotional rollercoaster that left me confused and inconsolable.
After a few days of crestfallen contemplation, I came to the conclusion that in this instance, it wasn’t ‘us’ that was the problem, it was the situation. We were so good together but it was simply not the right time. He obviously had things in his past, those same things that were swept under the carpet at the beginning of our relationship, that made him feel this way, and that was okay. I suddenly found myself to be not so sad after all. If it was the wrong time for us, it wouldn’t have worked. As much as we might have tried and wanted it to, it just wasn’t meant to be. Soon after, I switched from being despondent to feeling unequivocally satisfied that things had ended before we had both go in too deep.
If you find yourself in a situation of ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ when it comes to the right person at the wrong time, don’t be disheartened, see it as a blessing. Imagine if you’d continued to walk through life with your rose-tinted glasses on with no notion of what the person you’re seeing is really thinking, and when you eventually find out, you’re only left feeling dejected and pretty devastated.
As a new relationship begins to blossom, I certainly don’t suggest keeping your guard up. If you begin to feel yourself romantically attached to another, it’s important to be able to communicate feelings without any anxieties but I do think it’s vital to put your cards on the table. Unfortunately though, people don’t always know which cards to put down.
Let’s face it – life can be pretty confusing at times and I know for sure I’ve been through periods where I’m not sure what I want, not just in relationships, but in life. If you get to a point where you find yourself with the right person at the wrong time, let them go and hold your head high. Be a little selfish. You deserve redamancy and you certainly won’t get it if the timing’s not right.
Remember that no matter how much we might want something to be, not all love stories have a happy ending.