It’s the age old argument which has plagued the minds of many men and women for years and years, and it’s really no secret as to why. We live in a society that is sexualised through the media, and we’ve all developed unnecessary insecurities as a product of our environment. I find it incredibly safe to assume that most men, at some time or other in their lives, worry about whether they are “big enough” and after having thought about this, I couldn’t help but wonder does size really matter?
Having had a few sexual partners over time, I have come to realise that penises come in all shapes and sizes, much to my surprise on every occasion. A few years ago, I was involved with a man called Michael. He was a nice chap, well groomed, handsome enough but there were no real fireworks about him – certainly nothing to write home about at that point. We had good chat, and he was good company (and good eye candy) and that was enough for me! I’ll not bore you with the finer details of our dates as I know you’re wanting to get down to the nitty gritty. All you need to know is that we dated, he was chivalrous, we had chemistry and it was fun.
Natural progression of two individuals with a reciprocal romantic interest in one another led us to the bedroom, where undoubtedly we’d discover how compatible we were sexually. A pretty big moment for any relatively new couple, I must admit, so obviously there was a certain level of intoxication involved to loosen us up and avoid any awkwardness. As I always say, when in doubt – wine.
So – we got to that part of the evening where you have to try and slowly take off your clothes in a seductive manner. I was screwed. I’d worn a slim fitting dress with tights, so you can imagine how much of a turn on it must have been for Michael watching me struggle to get out of that outfit. He didn’t seem to have too much trouble getting naked and ironically, that’s where the trouble began.
He removed his trousers to reveal his appendage. The second he exposed his prodigiousness, I panicked. It. Was. Huge. I had never seen anything like it. Was it a limb? No, surely not. It was definitely a penis. I was perched on the edge of the bed, completely naked and extraordinarily intimidated. What was I meant to do with something that size? I’d always heard people saying that ‘bigger was better’ but I felt like bursting into tears. I couldn’t have that monstrosity inside me. He could scramble my internal organs with that colossal component.
There was no going back. We’d come this far. I didn’t grapple to get off my suck-me-in tights for a cup of hot cocoa and a bedtime story. We were going to have sex, that was that, that gargantuan genital land mass was going to be inside me, and I was terrified.
I was quite right to be, conventional wisdom and internet pornography had deceived me. In this instance, bigger was most definitely not better. I found very little pleasure from an evening with Mr Big, well, Mr Enormous. No form of missionary, oral or anal was going to be the better choice, it was all a bit difficult albeit pretty painful! Naturally, we endeavoured to find ways and means of making it an enjoyable experience for both parties but a lot of effort was needed not to cause injury.
In order to enjoy a session of fantastic sex, a huge package is not always a welcome guest and it’s certainly not a necessity. In fact, did you know that famous sex researchers Masters and Johnson have concluded that size of the male penis can have no true physiological effect on female sexual satisfaction. Never automatically assume that if a man isn’t all that well endowed, the sex is going to be bad.
Let’s look at this from a different point of view. You’ve bought a little black dress. It’s plain, small, and has no real purpose, but everything changes when you add a few accessories and use it in different ways. It’s the same with a smaller appendage, it’s not what you have, it’s how it’s used.
The quality of your sexual intercourse most definitely does not come down to size, it comes down to knowing what works, how it works and why it works. It is foolish for us women to determine a potential mate based predominantly on their prodigiousness. If it seems your partner doesn’t quite ‘measure up’ in that department – where your relationship is concerned – don’t be so hasty to chuck it in the ‘fuck it’ bucket. You should focus on finding out how to push each other’s buttons, how to please one another, how to hit those erogenous zones – you get my drift.
Bigger is not always better, and what I am trying to say very inarticulately is that the size of a man’s penis can be pretty irrelevant to a woman’s overall satisfaction when it comes down to sex, but what is relevant is focusing on what can be done in order to hit the right spots and make sex a great event for both parties – shlong or not.
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Naomi, sweetheart, this is hilarious and very true. Much love xxx