No Sex Before Monogamy? NO WAY!

No Sex Before Monogamy? NO WAY!
According to a recent study commissioned by, “the average single girl is not prepared to have sex with a new partner until the fifth date”

Stop. There. Right there. The fifth date?! In this day and age, ‘the average single girl’ won’t have sex until the fifth date? Yeah, pull the other one please, it’s got bells on. As a twenty-something single woman, I refuse to believe that ladies in similar circumstances don’t whip their knickers off before date number five. We definitely do, and it’s no secret as to why.

I won’t deny it. I think we single women all go through the “I’m a strong, independent woman who don’t need no man” phase but it’s a truth universally acknowledged that deep down, we all crave a partner of some description to share our lives, our likes, our interests and our beds with, and believe it or not – this is totally normal.

When I first laid eyes on this study, I could only concentrate on one thing – the want to wash the feeling of shame off myself as I knew I had not adhered to such a stereotype, whereby I would wait and enjoy four or five dates to judge the suitability of a potential new boyfriend before letting him pound me, or vice versa (yes – that’s right everyone – sex is a two-way street!)

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those cliché ‘Samantha Jones’ types who falls into the arms of copious lovers at every opportunity, but I certainly wouldn’t be opposed to the idea of sex before monogamy should the chance to get stuck into a good, ol’ fashioned bit o’ love making arise.

In fact, now that I think about it, I know at least 3 or 4 very happy couples around me who actually fell into bed together on the first date and the rest is, well, history. Personally, I feel that sometimes this may actually be the best case scenario! Obviously, I am promoting extremely safe sex so if you are open to the idea of sex before OR after the fifth date, I highly recommend ‘bagging up’. Right, now I’ve got the preachy bit out the way, let’s get back to it. Where was I? Ah right, the average single girl is not prepared to have sex with a new partner until the fifth date, and I think this is BS, and here’s why.

Sex before monogamy has most certainly lost its stigma these days. I can even recall a good friend of mine engaging in some first-date hanky panky and a colleague of ours exclaiming “good for you, ya big slut!” I have to admit, I kind of agreed. We all go through a period of time that we might refer to as a ‘dry spell’ and let’s be economical with the truth here – they suck – so when the chain is broken, who are we to be judged for celebrating such an occasion?

When it comes to it, a lot more women than you might expect (regardless of what this study seems to depict) will put out before shit gets serious, and it’s all because of chemistry. I think it’s pretty fair to suggest that before you make that official commitment to another, whether it be in person or via your Facebook relationship status, you must be certain that your personalities and general chemistry positively correlate with that of your sexual intimacy. This is something you can explore whilst dating and don’t get me wrong, dating is a must if you’re looking for a potential partner. You definitely can’t sleep your way to success in a relationship!

The study also found that “a woman will expect 12 text conversations, five long phone chats and ideally a bunch of flowers before considering taking things further, and watching three films, seven passionate kisses and sharing four meals together are also likely to have taken place before things become more intimate”

I mean, come on. Watching three films? If anyone is familiar with the term ‘Netflix and chill’, then celibacy certainly won’t be on the menu pre-fifth-date! Are expectations REALLY this high in the 21st century? I definitely don’t think so. I believe that in the past, yes, people might frown upon young women being the tiniest bit promiscuous but now, I think it’s better being a bit brazen (naturally, within reason!)

For want of a better way to word it, the modern day woman wants to be made to feel weak at the knees and wet in the knickers, and it can all be evaluated in a first-date scenario, or even a second or third rendezvous! A tryst really isn’t as horrifying as it once was made it out to be, nor is sex before monogamy. I’m not saying you should always hop in the sack whenever you can, but what I am trying to say (albeit very inarticulately) is that if it feels right, go for it, and if it still feels right afterwards, great!

In fact, let’s look at this situation from a logical perspective for a moment. If you’re sexually exploratory before emotionally investing, you’re actually saving yourself some time. I mean, if you’re dating a guy – your conversational banter is on point and there’s some serious attraction going on – why wait until after the fifth date to pounce? Let’s face it, you might have a pretty good time, and if not and it turns out you’re completely incompatible, simply chuck it in the fuck it bucket and move on.

So don’t be too quick to judge others, or even yourself. It is perfectly okay to put out so breathe a sigh of relief and break away from the five-date norm if you feel that it’s the right thing to do for you, but if you’re that single girl who expects text conversations, long phone chats, a bunch of flowers, passionate kisses and sharing meals before the main event, which turns out to be pretty disappointing and illustrates your lack of sexual chemistry, I can’t promise I won’t say I told you so!

love naomi


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *