Right, it’s not often I’m negative but here goes. Normally, I see everything as sunshine and rainbows but I’ve had quite enough of seeing (and hearing of) people moaning and groaning about being single at Christmas time. For heaven’s sake, this is no burden – it’s a bloody blessing! It’s the time of year that every single person – man and woman – get attacked from all angles – you hear it from friends and even unsuspecting (yet surprisingly sassy) relatives grill you over your Christmas dinner.
However, as bad as this may sound, these taunts actually have an alarmingly positive effect on the single person’s psyche. The repetition of phrases such as “why are you still single?” or “haven’t you met someone yet?” play the part of a metaphorical band-aid being ripped from the heart of every singleton. That’s right, these short, sharp reality checks leave you emotionally exposed – and this is great.
I don’t mean you’re ready to fall in love. No, of course not. Nor am I suggesting that being overly promiscuous will do you any good, but what I am trying to say is that at Christmas time, singletons should embrace every emotional (and yes, I’ll say it, physical) opportunity for tis the season to be brazen – bold and without shame! It’s Christmas and if you can’t have a bit of festive fun, something’s a miss. So why now you ask? Well, look around you – the signs are there!
Grabbing The Mistletoe
A wonderfully clever excuse to snog anyone who crosses your path (naturally within reason). Who cares about roses when you can whip out your mistletoe – never mind dangling a carrot, it’s Christmas, you’re covered. You’re emotionally available and ready to lock lips with the next handsome stranger who comes your way – let’s just pray and hope that stranger isn’t the office perv or the guy you’ve been avoiding for months eh? Warning: If such a thing happens, avoid this person (or these people) at all costs and find an alternative use for your time – it’s Christmas, so watch Elf on Channel 4.
Attending Christmas Parties
Get your frock on (or suit – each to their own), glam up and get partying. Christmas is without a doubt the best season to celebrate and it’s up to us singletons to make those nights most memorable! Just wait for that moment you catch the eye of a devilishly delicious man across the dance floor and you both start popping out shapes simultaneously. It’ll be a night to remember, I guarantee it, whether you get a grope or not and the next day when you’re suffering from a gin-induced hangover with the fear, you’ll forget all about it when you put Elf on Channel 4.
Rekindling Old Flames
Ah yes, you’re home for Christmas? Well what a perfect opportunity to casually bump into that guy you used to fancy in town. What, he wants a wee drunken kiss? Gosh, well, who would we be to turn down such an offer! Sometimes, a bit of attention does not go unwanted and rekindling an old romance may prove to be a good bit of festive fun – within reason of course. For the love of God, don’t go running back to your ex for the 10th time in the row because who has time for that shit? Trust me, there are more important things going on at Christmas time, like Elf on Channel 4.
Sparking New Fires
Yeah, I know, the metaphors are getting out of hand. My bad, but it’s true. A seasonal night out may leave you leaping into the arms of a new lover, and quite right too! If you’re single, not only are you NOT one half of an annoying couple but you are free, single and ready to mingle and mingle you must! It’s an amazing time of year for singles – have fun, be open, enjoy yourself – who knows? You may just end up meeting Mr Right, and if not, you’ve had fun, and there’s always Elf on Channel 4.
So ladies, be bold and sound your trumpets,
To be brazen, you need no reason!
Go and have fun my lovely strumpets,
Embrace the festive season!
(But if not, just remember, Elf is on Channel 4)