To begin the year, I started to not just think about my future but I also found myself temporarily dwelling on my past. When it comes to dating and finding your love, it’s certainly not plain sailing and I can see by looking back at my previous relationships (and indeed, those of my friends), it was clear to see that we’ve all becoming slightly damaged along the way.
Personally, I know for a fact that over time I’ve had issues with my confidence, my appearance, my self-esteem and my drive, all as a result of being emotionally attacked. Of course there were ups, but there were most definitely downs as well, and no one gets away unscathed. Unfortunately, healing the wounds of the past is never an easy process but you can certainly help yourself (and others) fight those pesky inner demons that can act as a preventative when it comes to moving on.
Avoid Being The Enabler
It’s a truth universally acknowledged that we all want the very best for ourselves, our friends and our family, but when you begin to make excuses to validate their reasons for remaining hurt (or in fact, you’re own), you’re really doing no one any favours. At no point should you allow yourself or others to stay in a state of self sorrow. Trust me, no one ever wants an invite to the pity party.
Tough Love Is A No Go
It doesn’t matter what has happened, or how, or when, or whatever type of emotional damage someone has suffered and how much it has affected them – they know they need to get over it. However, what they don’t need is you telling them to do so. Stating the obvious much? Talk about adding insult to injury. There’s no way you can speed up the healing process with too much tough love!
Don’t Say “I understand”
No, you don’t. I don’t care what you might think, you simply don’t. Each circumstance is unique to the individual, as is the personality of the person involved so it’s impossible for you to have felt exactly the same or endured the same emotional trauma. Everyone is different, and one size does not fit all – trust me, I’ve done the leg work.
Make The First Move
Progress is the key to healing the wounds of an emotional battle. Sure, you may not be able to get over it right away, but can you take your mind off it? Can you find things to occupy your time? Can you get out there and put a smile on your face? If so, do it! This one small step into a social pursuit may be one giant leap for your self-confidence. You wouldn’t believe the monumental effects that such trivial things may have when it comes to repairing the damage!
Do Say “You’re Better Than This”
This is the time for you to stand up, look in the mirror and acknowledge that you’re a “strong, independent woman who don’t need no pish from the past”. Be strong, be bold, pick yourself up and dust yourself off. If it’s someone you know who is feeling this way, help to pick them up with positivity too! Emotional damage is – in the majority of cases – a minor setback, and reconciling with the real you will take time but always be sure that you’re moving forwards, not back.
There’s Always A Solution
As we travel down this road we call life, it is imperative to realise that there is ALWAYS light at the end of the tunnel. Granted at times, that light might seem to be dimmer than ever, but I can comfortably assure you that it’s always there. As the old saying goes, you’ll get by with a little help from your friends (and family too) Never take your eyes off the prize and don’t forget that once something is broken, it can always be fixed.
I guess at the end of the day, we’ve all got a past and developed significant insecurities as a product of this. If you feel like damaged goods as a result of a past relationship, don’t let it phase you but instead, take the steps necessary to overcoming your hurt. Let’s face it though, as a whole, nobody’s perfect whether it’s down to past, present or future, and I couldn’t help but wonder, if we lived in a world where we all wore warning labels, what would mine say?
Well, nowadays, probably “sassy and eats too much pizza”