As a dating blogger, it’s no surprise that I get a whole lot of messages each day from all sorts of people from all walks of life, but one thing that seems to keep cropping up in conversation is not being able to get past the first date. This doesn’t just apply to ladies either, it’s men too. People all over the world are sat at home waiting by the phone and wondering why they aren’t getting a text back, and it’s plaguing the mind of many.
You think to yourself “that was a great first date” but then it never amounts to anything other than that and I couldn’t help but wonder if there were certain similarities when dating that wouldn’t allow you to progress a potential relationship forward.
Well, I’ve done my homework as always and realised that there are in fact 7 key reasons that you can’t get past the first date. So, here they are, with illustrative assistance from Michael Scott. Enjoy.
You’re conducting an interview
When you’re on a date, the purpose is to exchange pleasantries and get to know one another. However, some people make the monumental mistake of asking 21 questions and forgetting to enjoy the conversation. The chatter turns into an interview scenario leaving the other person feeling intimidated, under pressure and not keen on date number two. Rather than wanting to find everything out about a person in one fell swoop, why not just let the chat flow?
You’re being too competitive
Good chemistry comes from reciprocal compliments and conversation. It does not come from competition. If you’ve got a bit of an edge, sure, don’t hide that way, but if you’re constantly trying to one-up your date, chances are they’ll get pretty peeved with your fiery responses. No one wants to feel constantly shot down, so if you’re naturally competitive, tone that shit down and maybe coming second place for once will lead to a second date.
You’re not flirting
You might have made a jolly good effort on your appearance but that won’t cut the mustard on it’s own. You’ve gotta bat your lashes, brush an arm, make physical gestures to show your date that yes – you do like them! Don’t let nerves get the better of you and act like you’re at a business meeting or you’re hanging out with an old friend. Flick that hair and flirt to your heart’s content, they’ll definitely notice that the green light is on!
You’re talking to them, not with them
Let’s face it, we all love a bit of self promotion but please, for the love of God (and for your own sanity), try and keep it to a minimum. A date is a two-way street and a one-way conversation won’t lead to good things. If they ask you a question, answer, and ask another question, don’t cut it short. There’s nothing worse than an awkward silence, believe me, you’d rather cut your arm off with a rusty breadknife than allow a tumbleweed moment.
You’re not putting your phone down
If you’re one of those people that gets their phone out on a date, you are the worst. Please stop. If anything, it’s just bad bloody manners when someone has taken time out of their day to spend an evening with you and you’re trying to complete level 142 on Candy Crush. Try – just for the night – to keep your phone in your bag or your pocket and forget about the outside world, just focus on the night and getting to know one another.
You’re attached to the outcome
The most common killer of the second date comes from people being far too attached to the outcome of the first. Instead of just enjoying the night and getting caught up in the moment, you spend time thinking “he could be a good boyfriend” or “she might not be a good girlfriend cos of this”. Slooooooooooow down. You’ve not even passed first base yet and already you’re planning your wedding venue. Live in the moment, carpe diem, forget about the future, the present is a gift!
You’re forgetting who you are
Sure, everyone wants to make a great first impression but there is always a danger of taking it a little too far. Don’t tell white lies about your likes or dislikes, and don’t pretend to be something you’re not just to impress or make yourself out to be seemingly more appealing to another. At the end of the day, you are who you are, and you should be bloody proud of that.