Online dating is a wonderful thing for the modern age we live in. It allows us to connect with people we mightn’t meet in every day circumstances and form romantic attachments that might never have existed. However, as with anything, with the good comes the bad. It would seem that online dating can also bring out the worst in people. Great, I mean that’s all we need. Dating is hard enough itself without the added concern of someone on the other end of the app being an absolute weapon.
Last year, we came across the newfangled term “ghosting” which – in a nutshell – is when someone you’ve been talking to vanishes, disappears into thin air, gone forever – poof. With no word of warning or signs that something might be awry. Pretty cowardly wouldn’t you agree? Yep, you do. Unfortunately, some people find comfort in communicating behind a screen and therefore think it’s acceptable to act in such a way that they wouldn’t dream of doing in person. A digital relationship is APPARENTLY much easier to deplete than an actual one. This – in my opinion – shouldn’t be the case, whatever happened to common decency? It seems that the way we date in 2017 has made such thing seem like perfectly normal, acceptable behaviour and I disagree entirely. It’s not.
Guys and girls, I’m also sad to say that we’ve now stumbled across yet another trend in the online dating world and a worrying one at that. Those slippery serpents aren’t just ghosting anymore, they’re onto something else, and I’m telling you about it so that you’re able to recognise it and rid yourself of anyone committing such atrocities against you. The word for this fad is:
Have you heard of it? Perhaps you have, perhaps not. It is, in fact, also known as “Hansel and Gretelling” but this is the big term taking over and it just so happens that the eloquent team over at Urban Dictionary have managed to define it in such a way that we’re able to get the gist in just a few words:
“The act of sending out flirtatious, but non-committal text messages (ie “breadcrumbs”) to members of the opposite sex in order to lure a sexual partner without expending much effort”
Oh great, so now it’s socially acceptable to lead people on online just to feed your ego? WRONG. SO WRONG. This is a cruel and hurtful thing to do a person and definitely something people wouldn’t dare do to someone’s face. Once again, the introduction of dating with technology allows people to hide behind the facade of a phone to play their games. Well, we’re not falling for it this time!
Breadcrumbs come in the form of texts, WhatsApp messages, Instagram likes, you get the idea. It all starts with a date or two (maybe not even that), you feel like there’s been some sort of chemistry or connection and the idea of seeing this person again excites you. What’s more is that they’re still communicating which is a pleasant surprise so needless to say you’re sucked right into it. A few days pass with promises to meet again but nothing happens apart from the likes on your Facebook page and “hey how’s you gorgeous x” in your text messages. Days turn into weeks, even weeks turn into months. Still nothing, and you’re left wondering, what did I do? What went wrong?
Let me be CRYSTAL CLEAR – you did nothing. It’s not you, it’s them. They lead you to believe that there is light at the end of the tunnel in the form of commitment but this person isn’t serious about getting into a relationship, or dating for that matter. This person probably has self-esteem issues or something a little more deep rooted, per chance their ego is lacking a little attention too. That’s all they want. They’re hungry (for attention) and they want to be fed. Nothing more, nothing less. Their penpal approach leaves you starving for something more yet they’re full right up with exactly what they need.
So, lovely ladies, don’t let yourself become emotionally manipulated by an insecure commitment-phobe (wow, I really went there with that one) because you’ve no reason to let that happen. There are GENUINELY plenty more fish in the sea (pardon the cliche) and there’s no need to latch onto one just because you feel their MIGHT be hope because I imagine in 100% of these instances, there isn’t. If you feel like a certain someone is leaving you a trail of interactions with nothing to really seal the deal, lay your cards on the table and if they change their ways, great, if not, get out of it.