Should We Be Dating Sober?

As much as we like to think dating is a big, happy-clappy process to find your knight in shining armour, the cruel reality is that it couldn’t be more different. I’m certainly not saying that it’s bad, but it is (or can be) a pretty nerve-wracking process based on hopes and expectations – will he be? Won’t he be? Probably a million and one other questions to answer in your head too.

We Brits, however, have seemingly discovered the supposed solution to battle these anxious feelings when we’re dating and it generally comes in the form of Dutch courage.

Whether it’s a wine or a beer or a cocktail or anything in between, it’s no secret that we all like a snifter to calm our nerves but even after the first date, and the second date, we seem to set our dating lives around where and when the next drink will be. I’d assume this is probably because it’s a safe option but it doesn’t always mean good things. Think about it. Rather than genuinely finding each other hilarious and bonding over your similar senses of humour, you’re constantly just laughing at things because you’ve had a bevvy or two – things you’d probably roll your eyes at if you were stone cold sober.

Oh and let’s not forget the sex. Sure, we all think drunk sex is incredible… at the time… but in reality, it’s normally more of an awkward, sloppy fumble with some questionable flaccidity in between. Not ideal. Wouldn’t you rather find out how sexually compatible you are without the alcohol? Most definitely. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all doom and gloom but if you’re serious about finding a meaningful relationship – to connect with someone on a deeper level – perhaps it might be worth ditching the drink for the first few fresh months of seeing someone new to find out if you tick each other’s boxes – with or without a G&T. Here’s why…

You’re in control of how you feel

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When you’ve had a few drinks, it’s no surprise that we sometimes do things that are a little out of character because well, we lack a little control. By that, I mean that you might get into a fit of giggles for no reason whatsoever or hop into bed with someone because you’re feeling a little more brazen after a bottle or two. When you’re sober, you’re totally in control – you have sex because you want to and laugh because you genuinely want to laugh.

There are a ton of alternatives to grabbing drinks

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“Shall we go for a drink?” is always an easy option but think outside the box! Museums, art galleries, Go Ape!, go karting, dry slope skiing, country parks, escape rooms, theatre shows, comedy nights, you get my drift. You’re probably a stone’s throw away from a thousand things to do other than drinking and I guarantee you’d probably have a lot more fun doing something new or different together.

Sex is completely different sober

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Sure, you might think that you lose your inhibitions a little more with a drink in you but just remember that when you click with someone between the sheets, the sex is phenomenal. If you connect with someone on a deeper level, chances are that the sex will be pretty deep too.

There’s a lot more time to spend quality time together

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Rather than you both being bedbound on a Sunday morning, nursing a couple of hangovers after a night on the tiles, you can actually spring out of bed and enjoy the majority of the day by doing something with your time. Go find somewhere to brunch, find a nice walk, anything at all that gives you more opportunity to discover your likes and your dislikes, your personalities and your quirks.
Oh and FYI, I’m definitely not saying that you need to be T-total to find love, but it might be a fun experiment to see how your feelings change when you’re dating.

In my humble opinion, the best, most exciting part of beginning a brand new relationship is the butterflies, so why would you want to risk drinking too much and forgetting that?

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3 Comments

  1. Kerry
    December 16, 2017 / 4:46 pm

    I know what you mean about this cos sometimes you do things or say things you wouldnt normally do but its hard because like you said its dutch courage for a date so its a tricky one but definately something to think about! Good blog xxx

  2. December 29, 2017 / 7:00 am

    Hey Naomi,

    I just visit your blog and it looks fabulous.Great views and ideas so please Keep Posting 🙂

  3. JASON
    December 30, 2017 / 11:45 pm

    Do people really base dating around drinking. Me and the wife used to drink together regularly when we started dating, but we did all the other stuff you mentioned too.

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