Hooray! It’s National Orgasm Day!
Yet, difficulty with orgasms is one of the top problems that women seek sex therapy for. It is very common, yet, calling it a ‘problem to fix’ is actually part of the block to orgasms.
We-Vibe’s sexpert and specialist psychosexual psychotherapist Silva Neves stresses the importance of ‘getting to know your body really well: touch yourself in all areas of your body: the arms, legs, inner thighs, breasts, different parts of your vulva, clitoris, and so on. Get a foot massage or a head massage and be focused on how it feels. Being mindful of all the areas of your body will give you a sense of how pleasure happens for you.
Here are 7 surefire ways to discover your own erogenous zones & enjoy bigger, BETTER, orgasms…
Pleasure is context dependent.
You need to be in a comfortable place, feeling safe and feeling good, whether you’re on your own or with a partner. If your goal is pleasure-focused rather than orgasm-focused, your body will be in an arousal state that will be more ready for an orgasm.
Orgasms are all different and they feel different.
You may have orgasms from clitoral stimulation, or vaginal stimulation. Some have orgasms with their breasts being touched or massaged. Some experience greater orgasms when their feet are stimulated. Some prefer anal sex whilst they stimulate their clitoris with a finger. Others like vaginal intercourse.
Many women do not experience orgasms through intercourse.
But, as you can see, there are many ways that you can have one. Don’t fake an orgasm to please your partner. If they think you like it, they will continue to do the same things. Be honest and kindly guide your partner into touching you as you want to be touched. Having sex with somebody is basically learning each other’s body map. Everybody’s different!
The brain is another important sex organ.
Some women report having an orgasm with no body stimulations but by giving their sexual partner pleasure. If it is a big turn-on, it can bring an orgasm.
Be mindful of your thoughts and feelings when you become sexually aroused.
The brain being a major sex organ means that it can also turn you off. Typically, if you believe that your body doesn’t look good naked, or you have some judgemental thoughts about your sexuality, these can turn you off and your body won’t be prepared for an orgasm.
It is easy to have judgemental thoughts about your body.
After all, women can be labelled with horrific words if they are not sexual enough, or if they are ‘too’ sexual, whatever that means. Stay grounded with your own sense of pleasure and sexuality, move away from those judgemental thoughts, learn to love your body, touch yourself everywhere to learn your erogenous map, move away from the orgasm goal and be pleasure-centred instead.
Being focused on pleasure is about being curious about your body and your partner’s body.
As you discover your G-spot, your partner can discover theirs. Men can experience much pleasure that is not on their penis. For example, stimulating the prostate can produce much pleasure. If it is awkward to start with, there is a good sex toy such as We-Vibe Vector, especially designed to reach the prostate and stimulate it effortlessly, which can help with such exploration. Learning to use sex toys on each other can be part of great couple sexy fun. ’